


You did this?

by Laura_Sinele



Series: Fictober 2020 [3]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Denial of Feelings, Dom/sub Undertones, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Guillermo is hurt, Humor, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nandor has feelings, POV Alternating, Post-Canon, Post-Episode s02e10 Nouveau Théâtre des Vampires, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Self-Denial, Triggers, actually I think they are in a relationship but they don't know nor want to admit it, see notes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26791678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laura_Sinele/pseuds/Laura_Sinele
Summary: Nandor The Relentless is not hoplessly missing his familiar because he doesn't even know what familiar you are talking about, but in case there was a familiar Nandor The Relentless wanted back by his side desperately, Nandor The Relentless would probably go to the extent of doing his own home reno. That's how relentless Nandor The Relentless was.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Series: Fictober 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951714
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23
Collections: Fictober20





	You did this?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Tumblr event Fictober, prompt 3: 'You did this?'
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING!  
> There is a joke about Nandor's birth that describes implicitly the violent death of his mother during labor in the style of some greco-roman myths. If you want to avoid that, you can skip the second paragraph as a whole. 
> 
> ALTERNATING POV:  
> It's all Nandor's POV until the last part, wich is Guillermo's.

Nandor The Relentless got out of his coffin amidst ominous wood creaks and thunderbolts. There was a black crow missing an eye perched outside his window, and the rain fell hard on the yard. Nandor The Relentless wouldn’t have expected a better beginning of this night other than this ominous ominousness. It was the night of his birthday. 

Of course, no self-respecting vampire would remember their human birthday, and Nandor The Relentless was as self-respecting as the next guy. But Nandor The Relentless was not only a vampire, he was also a conqueror and ruler, and that had begun way before his turning. That began at his birth. As a child, the women would always tell him stories of what a magnificent baby he had been. How his own mother hadn’t even needed to push in labour, because he had used his tiny little sword to cut her open and emerge all dressed up in his tiny little armour and feathered helmet. Human Nandor The Relentless had been an exceptional human. After all, it was him who earned the name ‘The Relentless’. So Nandor The Relentless liked to remember him on the day of his birth, which he had found on Wikipedia. And he hadn’t missed once this tradition since he started it three years ago. 

Times were tough, though, for Nandor The Relentless, and he faced this year’s celebration begrudgingly crestfallen. Not that he would ever admit it, but the fact was that he found himself alone and friendless. The massacre at the Nouveau Théâtre des Vampires had been terrible for his social standing, not to mention the fact that it had actually reduced notably any society in which to stand. But then Laszlo and Nadja had taken a trip to Europe, to rekindle their marriage and visit their hometowns. And even Colin Robinson had decided to try cruising. He went on this week-long cruises sucking off the energy of the vacationers that had nowhere to run other than jump into the open sea. The stories he’d come back telling in between trips, oh! What a delight!

However, as a result of this combined circumstances, Nandor The Relentless found himself alone at home most of the time, and that was starting to affect his relentlessness. There was nobody else in the house, because nobody else inhabited it at the moment nor had done in the previous eleven years. Nobody. Nobody at all. So Nandor The Relentless was feeling lonely. But it was most certainly not for a lack of a familiar. Nandor The Relentless had  _ never ever  _ needed a familiar. 

* * *

It was night and Nandor The Relentless had fed on some unfortunate Amazon lady. Even though back in the day Amazon ladies were depicted far more in shape, he could not complain: it had been his first proper meal in weeks, so he used the energy for a personal project that had been occupying his mind for a while now. It’s not that he had been mooning about anybody. If these past few days he had been feeding essentially on stray cats and vermin, it was because he had been busy. With. Relentless Plans. Of Pillage and Conquest. 

But now he had the extra time and Nandor The Relentless was surrendering to the hearty task of home renovation. This house he dwelled in had so many rooms, and between the four of them —when they actually were at home— they barely used twenty-seven. There was one bedroom in particular, in the first floor, that Nandor The Relentless had been relentlessly thinking about since no specific moment in time: the Blue Room. He thought about renovating it, cleaning it up, putting up some nice, thick curtains, repainting the golden details on the skirting board… The floorboards needed some serious fixing, and a new mattress was in order. Turns out a hundred years old sizeable blood stain can end up rotting a feather-stuffed silk bed. 

So Nandor The Relentless dressed down to comfortable work clothes and got started. Because a man needed a project to stay sane —not that he, Nandor The Relentless, was going insane—, and every vampire house needed a nice, human friendly guestroom. Right. 

As he was kneeling, sanding down the floor to make it even, Nandor The Relentless had a surge of inspiration for the final decor: a fancy golden frame around the poster of the movie  _ Interview with the Vampire _ . Many people liked that movie, although Nandor The Relentless himself didn’t know nor had ever met no one who aspired to emulate one of its characters. He honestly didn’t know where the idea had come from, probably some home renovation reality show, but he rather liked it, and he intended to see through it, honouring his name. Nandor The Relentless. 

* * *

The doorbell rang, and Nandor The Relentless went to open the door. Of course he went, there was nobody else in the house and it wasn’t as if he had ever had someone who opened the doors for him. No one had ever done that. That would be crazy. 

‘Hello’, Nandor The Relentless said, maybe too loudly and stiffly to be entirely natural, to the dumpy figure standing on the porch. 

‘Hello, Nandor’.

Silence. 

‘You used to call me Master’, said irksomely the one formerly addressed as Master, now Nandor, not even Nandor The Relentless, just plainly Nandor. 

The dumpy figure sighed. 

‘Listen, I only came to tell you to stop sending me letters with bats. It’s freaking my mom out and I’m not interested in anything you might want to tell me, alright?’

Nandor stood there awkwardly, still holding the door, looking at the pile of letters tied up in a red ribbon the figure was giving him. In the end, the figure just dropped them at Nandor’s feet and turned around to leave. Nandor picked up the letters and cradled them against his chest like a precious gift from a past lover. 

‘Can I send you regular letters, then?’

The figure stopped and turned back to Nandor, walking with intent, up until there were no more than a few inches between them. 

‘My name is Guillermo de la Cruz. I come from a long line of vampire killers. I’ve slayed most of the vampires in town and a good portion of the foreigner vampire nobility, and the worst of all is that I did it to protect  _ you _ . Another vampire. The most self-centred, arrogant, ingrate and enthralling of them all. And what did you do when you found out? You complained about the laundry! I thought you had changed. I thought you were protecting me when you told le Nouveau Théâtre des Vampires that you had killed me. I guess I was wrong’.

‘Guillermo…’, muttered Nandor pathetically. Nandor The Pathetic.

‘No’, said Guillermo, rising an imperative palm in front of Nandor’s face. ‘I’m sorry, Nandor. I don’t think you can write me regular letters. In fact I don’t think you can talk to me  _ at all _ !’

Nandor remained silent for a few seconds, looking down his long dark lashes to the small, angry man in front of him. 

‘I… am… sorry’, he said. And he didn’t feel pins and needles or the crushing shame of defeat like he used to. So he tried again: ‘I am sorry, Guillermo. I was wrong. And I… I want you back. I miss you’.

Guillermo chuckled disbelievingly.

‘If you think that now that I know my heritage I will go back to shine your boots, to literally shine your boots, under false promises of immortality…!’

‘No, no, please Guillermo! I want you to live here, with me. I made you a bedroom. The Blue Room. I put there some framed pictures of Antonio Banderas as Armand in that movie you like,  _ Interview with the Vampire _ . If you still want me to do it, I will even turn you into a vampire yourself, but I want you to know that I shan’t wish this curse upon you’.

Guillermo looked at him with a frown, distrusting every word Nandor had just said. 

‘Why is that?’

‘What?’

‘Why “shan’t you wish this curse upon me” all of a sudden?’

‘Because’, said Nandor with a vague hand movement, as if he had finished the sentence. Guillermo crossed his arms and took a single step back. ‘BecausebeingavampiresucksanditslonelyandIcareaboutyoupleasedontgo!’

Guillermo bit his lower lip and narrowed his eyes, considering his odds.

‘Alright!’, he said. ‘Show me the Blue Room and if it’s true that you fixed it, I’ll give you a chance. As roommates’. 

‘Yes, yes, please, come in, you will love it!’, beamed Nandor, hurrying Guillermo inside.

* * *

When Nandor opened the door to the Blue Room for Guillermo, it was as if they had kicked the air off his lungs. Nandor went in and stood there, in the middle, arms wide open and the proudest grin in his face. 

The floor was patchy, the blue wallpaper was faded in many places, there were splotches of gold paint everywhere and the curtains were hanging askew. It all smelled like glue and sawdust, yes, but the bed was new, the whole piece looked clean, and it was painfully obvious that both the improvements and the screw-ups were Nandor’s handiwork. It must had taken him ages to do all that by himself. Upon that realisation, Guillermo couldn’t help but mirror —how poetic!— Nandor’s toothy smile. 

‘You did this?’, he asked as he ventured in. Nandor nodded like an excited toddler. ‘By yourself?’

‘I asked Colin Robinson how to look up  _ YouToobee  _ tutorials. He dried me out several times but it was worth it if you are coming back’.

Guillermo almost teared up at that. He looked around once more and then he looked at Nandor, standing there practically jumping at the prospect of Guillermo just being around. Such a scene made him realise that it had been a long while since he had wanted to be a vampire. For a good stretch of time now, all he had really wanted was to be  _ with _ that vampire.

‘Yes, Master’, he said. ‘I’m coming back’. 


End file.
